I'm really into asian looking animals
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
