So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
