well I can't set my house on fire every night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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