puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
