just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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