god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
