you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
