Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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