I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
