MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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