i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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