Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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