Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We need to get me chipped asap
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
