suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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