U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
