I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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