I'm eating all of the evidence.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
