he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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