I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
