when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize