This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
