hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
