I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have aggressive nipples.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
