OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
