I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize