I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
