When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
