I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
