I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
