You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
a search helicopter?!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize