i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
