We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
