Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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