Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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