my mouth tastes like poor choices
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
