i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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