How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
