when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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