Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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