U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
