oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize