this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
