We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
