I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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