its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think i got beer on your cat.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
