what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
