So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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