Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
