Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
