I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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