Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize