omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
