She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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