Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
