dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am spending my child support on dildos
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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