This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize