I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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