We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
