I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
