Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
