alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
