Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
