We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
