we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Are my feet made of real feet?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After tacos, we're chasing women.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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