Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize