So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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