it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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