Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
