im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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