I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
