my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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