i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
