apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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