and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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