I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize