I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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