omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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