I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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