Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
