OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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