just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
