Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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