Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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