im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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