I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
