I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
love makes seman taste better
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
