Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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