It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
