he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize