Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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