I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
