Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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