it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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