the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
