peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
