the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
