hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
