I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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