I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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