i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
