If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize