I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
