You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
