dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
