HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
