Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
