when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize